My "Path"

I have thought a lot about my "purpose" in this life -- questions of who and why and what the heck run 'round my brain all the time. I float sometimes from place to place, possibility to possibility . . . Am I a psychic? Am I an actor? Or a painter or a novelist or all or none of the above? Or maybe something else entirely?

I want to soak up life with a big sponge -- love and passion and art and transcendence . . . I want to live BIG and because of that, Icarus flying towards the Sun, I have a tendency, at times, to fly too high and then crash.

I'm a crash victim.

I have thought that part of my "lesson" this go round was grounded in my ability to crawl back from the train wreck I made after my baby Lehna's stillbirth in 2006 -- torching my career and anything else I could set fire to, a "passive" suicide, too chicken shit to just kill myself but not above upping the ante so, ultimately, I wouldn't have a choice.

Death by cop . . . sort of.

I think I'm past that now . . . a rockn rock star psychic wild child Hollywood'n somethin' -- but, what, exactly have I put in its place?

I feel that now, more than ever, I am filled with love -- in ways I never knew before. I truly do have kind of a "love vibe" going on (que the Barry White) and I am working towards finding that love that comes hardest to us all -- the love of self.

I am working on it . . . so at this stage of my life I find that I am morphing once more -- towards self-love (and forgiveness for not being able somehow to make God and the Universe allow my baby to live) . . .

We all walk our paths alone but finally I am able (and willing) to share that journey in ways I couldn't before. Wherever I end up, I realize that this lesson was worth learning. Love matters.

And so, on we go . . .