Is Your Child Goth?

I found this posted in another group. It is taken from a post on Christianforums.com. I am not sure if this is a parody or not--it's so sad that with some fundamentalist tracts you can't really be sure--but I am posting it, as is, along with my score--and yes, my score would suggest I am VERY GOTH!

"If your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in.
The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.
-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center."

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When I took this I got 28 hits which must be something of a Satanic number; it is after all 23 plus 5. It is absolutely a danger sign if a teen-ager somewhere watches cable TV or has an interest in sex. I can certainly see that. Especially if he or she is alone. I think that probably adds three or four more clicks to the total right there.

Goth related foods? Seriously? How many four year olds in Arkansas are under a 24 hour suicide watch because of goth related foods?

Thank God I only eat Frankenberry. But I do eat it with my morning glass of blood--does a body goth, I mean good. Sorry, I was wearing black so Satan took temporary control of my laptop.

Also, where do they keep the trashed Marilyn Manson CD's; I think I already have them all but it is good to have a spare in case I get blood on it or I scratch it while self-mutilating.

As a 52 year old man (yes I am old but eccentric nonetheless) I don't really wear a lot of black eye make-up or go to school--where I would certainly misbehave if I did (am I now 28.5?) so if I get this many how likely is it that 99% of all the teen-agers in America would get a pretty good little total themselves?

Anyone know the phone number for a good local mental health center here in the Bay Area?